The Empty Nest Brings All the Emotions

I just watched my only child graduate from high school. It was an emotional roller coaster, or, as his classmates would say, it brought all the feels (and I copped some feels that weren’t really fun to experience!). I have burst into tears and gushed over my conversations with him – all in the same phone calls to my inner circle. There ought to be a parent version of Dr. Suess’s graduation gift staple “Oh, The Places You’ll Go”, and here is what I think the chapters should look like:

Grief: from the moment my son moved out, I became a stellar Kleenex customer (though paper towels and dishcloths will do in a pinch). I no longer see every day the person I have the most profound love for. I don’t cry about this every day anymore, but I still put in some tears several times a week. I thinking of tracking this on a spreadsheet. Too much?

Good times… (eyeroll)

Freedom: I haven’t spent an hour in the kitchen making a nutritious dinner featuring protein, green veg and a complex carb since Will left, and it is incredibly freeing (though this goes in my husband’s grief column). Our wi-fi is no longer choked every evening by the X-Box. I can now walk around the house in whatever state of undress strikes me. I am no longer hostage to seeing the latest animated kids’ movie and helping with homework.

Purposelessness: Even though Will wasn’t planned and I was a single mom for most of his upbringing, raising Will was the most fulfilling time of my life. I parented with the end goal of a Christian, law-abiding, kind, and brave man. I was the only mom on Cub Scout camping trips. I was a classroom volunteer throughout Will’s elementary school years. I took the assignment God handed me in raising a son joyfully and seriously. Now that Will has moved out, I am left with… going to the office? Ugh. NOT the same sense of purpose at all.

Gratitude: When I watched my now 6-foot-tall son walk across the stage to receive his diploma, I beamed with pride (albeit with tears streaming down my face). Will had already lined up a full-time job and wanted to wait on college for a semester or two. When I returned home and went back to church, all of us in my small group prayed for children who struggled academically, who weren’t employed, who wouldn’t move out, and one that was in legal trouble. Oh Lord, I prayed silently, I am so sorry that I am so ungrateful. Thank you for making Will the man he is. I don’t mean to be ungrateful.

Worry: My son now faces some very grown-up issues. He has a girlfriend, who I suspect he loves deeply. It reminds me of my first serious relationship in college that ended disastrously (I didn’t end up on Snapped or anything, but it was not fun). I have an impulse to try to shield my son from pain. But then I wonder if maybe he’s been blessed with a high school sweetheart that will evolve into a loving wife for him. Maybe this is good? I can debate this issue all day to myself if I allow myself to.

Fear: I’m burying this one because it’s the emotion I am least proud of – my fear of aging. Our eldest and her husband are trying to conceive their first child. This will make me a grandmother! This seems obvious to everyone around me, but it shocks me – how can I be a grandmother? I listen to metal and dance music! This one gets even worse when I observe the back row of the church sanctuary before our worship service starts (which I secretly refer to as Death Row). This row houses several unaccompanied senior-aged ladies, and it’s not a cute sight. One of them may not physically be able to smile, and during the “rise and greet your neighbor” portion, she sits with her arms crossed in front of her, her football helmet of gray hair moving only once when I made eye contact with her one Sunday and smiled, and she called to me “Do not come and hug me please!”. Several of these women are extremely unhealthy looking. When their phones go off during the service, they 1) don’t realize it’s theirs until the pastor stops speaking and 2) somehow don’t remember how to silence it, even though this happens to each of them several times per month. Yet another one comments just loudly enough for everyone to hear which ladies are wearing something that is too short or low cut. I pray silently every Sunday that I don’t become like one of the Death Row ladies.

Feeling any of these yourself? Well Mommas, feel free to blurt it out here! It feels kind of good!

7 Reasons to Cook at Home

Gone are the days of Father coming home to the sit-down dinner that Mother spent all afternoon preparing. With the exponential growth of dual-income and single-parent families, the elaborate, home-cooked dinner is going by the wayside. But is it worth all the fast food?Cooking at home has all sorts of benefits. If you’ve never bothered to learn to cook, think about a few of these facts – it might be worth it to watch a little Food Network every week, after all!

1. Fast food and restaurants are expensive. Eating out and ordering in wreaks havoc on the family budget. Restaurants and take-out cost at least double what cooking from scratch costs.
2. Eating out typically means more calories. Most restaurant meals are served in portions far bigger than what we would serve ourselves at home. Plus, the convenience of ordering off of a menu allows us access to foods we know we shouldn’t eat. If anyone in the family is trying to lose weight, drop the restaurant habit quickly!
3. You don’t know the kitchen staff when you’re in a restaurant. If you want to scare yourself, as a few friends who work in restaurants what wrong and unsanitary things go on in the kitchen. This may be the only trick you need to start eating at home!
4. Cooking is bonding. Cooking together is a time to pass on your knowledge and skills to your child while visiting with them in a non-threatening way. It’s a memory your children will cherish as adults (rather than everyone gazing at their phones waiting for the waitress to deliver their orders).
5. Cooking is educational. Cooking involves math (measurement, weight, fractions) and science (chemical reactions) in a hands-on way for your children. It’s educational in a way that doesn’t feel like homework.
6. Cooking is more than meals. Cooking can be used to make gifts for others, like a gift-wrapped batch of cookies. It can also be a way to make household items, like candles or dyed yarn. All of these projects call on cooking skills.
7. Eating at home is private. When the family needs to discuss a difficult subject, eating at home allows a secure and private environment for families to discuss things they doen’t want everyone in town to hear

#Skillcraft #bootcamp day 5, and a lightbulb moment

One of the things I looove about Skillcrush is the blog – it’s got fantastic, usable content. For example: Today, thanks to the Bootcamp, I passed the XHTML skills test on oDesk! It was painful, but I passed! However, I’m going to need a portfolio in order to get the assignments I’m looking for. Last night, I read on the SC blog about projects I can do on my own to build my portfolio myself – light bulb!!

#Skillcrush #Bootcamp Day 4/5 = woot!

Bootcamp is flying by for me, because I have a little bit of HTML experience and because the lessons are packaged in just enough information that I retain it easily.

Ya’ll be nice, now.

The best part is ….

Today I sat at my laptop and wrote some code like I knew what I was doing!

My husband was impressed. I felt like a complete badass. I needed “The Karate Kid” soundtrack playing in the background.

I had 5 different non-profits get back to me today about helping out with their websites, I sent off response e-mails to all of them this evening.

Actual Skillcrush classes (or “blueprints”) start February 9, and I will be there!

#Skillcrush #bootcamp Day 3, or how to build some experience

It’s day 3 of Skillcrush’s 10-day bootcamp, and I am still loving it! Right now we are on HTML, which I know a little about already.

The idea of doubling my hourly freelance rate is intoxicating, but I’ve got to have some semblance of a portfolio. I decided to check out VolunteerMatch and see if any non-profits needed some coding work done for free.

I saw several listings, and responded to 5. Within 2 hours, I had three agencies e-mail me back, thrilled to have my help, and one that e-mailed me my first project already!

#Skillcrush #bootcamp Day 1

Skillcrush is not a school in the traditional sense, thankfully, so there’s no registration drama (you know, you’ll need 3 forms of picture I.D., an address within the county, transcripts from places you barely remember being at, your blood type, and a recently certified family tree. By the time I get all that together, I’ve lost my momentum).

It’s got 3-4 different tracks, or “blueprints” of technical skills you can learn: web design, wordpress coding/development, and something else that escapes me right now, but I’ll add it as soon as I find it.

So Skillcrush offers a free 10-day boot camp, which I decided to start with so I could get the lay of the digital land, as it were.

Today’s bite-sized bootcamp lesson was “the internet vs. the www”. At first I thought this was going to be a waste of time, but I was wrong (it happens).

Not only was it an interesting little lesson-ette, but I love the casual, chatty writing voice – I didn’t realize I was learning anything until I had learned it!

New series in the works: Scoping out #Skillcrush

I stumbled across Skillcrush on a Facebook ad the other day, and it’s caught my interest as a committed freelancer. Skillcrush is a site which aims to teach technical skills online in an informal and social way (picture WordPress’s Blogging 101 series, but for coding).

I’ve always wanted to learn to code, largely because a) it pays so well and b) I could do a lot of things myself rather than pay someone else to do them.

So I’ll be chronicling my Skillcrush experience in the hopes that it’s helpful to others out there. I’ll keep you posted!

How #Fitness Gets DIfferent in 2015

Once we survive the holidays, we’ll be contemplating our New Year’s resolution, and for most of us, those resolutions will include commitments to fitness. Before you contemplate what you’ll do differently next year, take a look at what fitness industry experts say will be the hottest trends at a gym (or gym bag) near you.

• You may learn to love the treadmill. Twenty years ago, spinning classes brought the wind trainers of the cycling world into the mainstream. While the treadmill is traditionally reviled by many runners, treadmill studios seek to make treadmill running a social-yet-challenging experience. Classes will be lead by running coaches and fitness instructors, depending on the gym.

• You will still drink juice. Juice bars will continue to evolve, and many will seek to step on the toes of supplement companies by introducing formulas to drink before and after your workout. 2015 will also bring a greater assortment of at-home juicing and smoothie-making appliances so you can get your shake on at home.

• You won’t suffer as many hangovers. That is, if you embrace the trend of healthy nightlife activities hitting big cities everywhere. Clubs and concert venues will blend DJs and black lights with dance and yoga, and replace booze with water. Check out The Get Down to see for yourself.http://www.getdownbaltimore.com/

• You can upgrade your gym clothes. Several years ago, Stella McCartney designed a successful line for Adidas, and a trend in fitness fashion began. More designers will jump on the fitness-fashion trend in 2015, which means you’ll no longer be confined to race shirts and soccer shorts.

Your healthy cookbook!

• You’ll use Instagram for healthy recipes. Food bloggers are embracing Instagram, and the pictures are beautiful – so yummy looking, that users don’t realize they are looking at recipes that are often low-cal, low-carb, or low-sugar. If reading healthy food descriptions has turned you off on healthy options in the past, try searching Instagram for healthy foods, and check out the pictures – this may be the “diet” trick you’re looking for!

10 #wedding #trends for 2015

If this is the year you tie the knot or (plan the tying of someone else’s knot), you know the wedding planning landscape changes constantly. Thanks to social media, you really can’t read literally everything and still be on task to plan an upcoming ceremony. Luckily, we can show you the latest trends for 2015, and you can personalize them to your tastes.

• Outdoor venues. Outdoor venues like farms, parks, and country homes make for the most magical wedding photos, and provide lots of space for your guests to mingle. If you select a venue that combines some indoor space with some outdoor space mitigates risk of inclimate weather, and accommodates guests’ needs for indoor comforts.
• Nautical motifs, Think coral, driftwood, sea glass and pastel shades of blue and green. Perfect for a beach or coastal ceremony, this theme works year-round. Consider creative sea-worthy fabrics like burlap, terry cloth, or canvas.
• Outdoor lodge theme. Perfect for an outdoorsy couple, or a ceremony in the hills or mountains. This motif uses wood and stones with wildflowers – picture a log cabin weekend getaway. Plaids and quilts of every pattern work beautifully with this setting.
• Woodland fairytale. If you loved Maleficent or Frozen, this is for you. Incorporate local tree varieties with roses, peonies, ferns and vines. Use twinkling white lights in the evening for easy enchantment.
• Ombre color scheme. If you don’t want a theme, consider the ombre color trend centered around your favorite color. Collect some paint sample cards at home improvement stores  for a free starting point.
• Not just music-entertainment. Weddings are trending away from mostly dancing to offering entertainment for guests like games, fortune tellers and photo booths. Once you select your venue, ask for recommendations of entertainment services that can provide these amusements.
• Your personal hashtag. Since guests will be snapping pics throughout the day with their phones and wifi-enabled cameras, agree on your personal hashtag with your future spouse. Post your hashtag throughout your reception venue so your guests share their photos with you, too, on Instagram and Twitter
• Changing stations at tables. The table is no longer just a place to sit and eat. Make sure your guests can charge their phones at tables throughout the reception area, and be sure to plan for iphones and android phones.

14 ways to survive the big family meal with your kids

Whenever there’s a big family get-together, it’s exciting and it can all be overwhelming for small children. It’s difficult to predict where your child’s over-stimulation will result in a meltdown, and parents all over the country silently pray that it won’t happen at the big holiday dinner. Here’s a few tips to help decrease the odds:

1. Keep your child on his regular schedule the day of the gathering. This can be difficult with errands and visitors, but try to keep the main events on schedule, like nap time and meal times.
2. Tell your child what to expect. Don’t assume that they remember last year’s gathering. Explain where the gathering will be, who will be there, and what you will do once you get there. Do this more than once, and answer your child’s questions as they come up.
3. Choose a family-friendly home or restaurant. Things will go much more smoothly for everyone if you choose a restaurant where the staff is trained to accommodate children, or the house you’re meeting at is already childproofed.
4. Have realistic expectations of your child’s behavior. The younger your child is, the earlier they will tire in the evening. Younger children also have shorter attention spans, so expect to see signs of boredom if there’s nothing but adult conversation going on.
5. Discuss your expectations of their behavior before the event. Explain to your children that you expect them to stay seated and use an indoor voice. Teach them an acceptable way to interrupt adults talking if they need something, such as raising their hand or saying “excuse me”. Rehearse this with them at your family table.
6. Pack some table-friendly activities if you’re eating at a restaurant. While restaurants spare you the cooking, they require children to wait for the meal to be served, and waiting is not their favorite activity. Bring along some coloring books and crayons or a small container of Legos or Ponies.
7. Don’t let your child get too hungry. Hungry children quickly get cranky, so bring along snacks like crackers, cheese sticks, or fresh fruit. Don’t pack sugary treats, because the post-sugar-rush crash can be ugly.
8. Let your child wear something comfortable. Once you cute some cute photos in the smocked dresses and bow-ties, let your children change into some play clothes for the rest of the event.
9. Plan for your child’s needs. If your child needs a high chair, plan ahead. Call the restaurant ahead of time to let them know, or let the hostess know you’ll be bringing one. If your child has special dietary needs, let the hostess know or ask the restaurant ahead of time what the menu choices are so you have time to think through what your child should eat.
10. Consider hiring a sitter to help with the children during the event. This sounds like a luxury item, but children will enjoy having someone to play with and you’ll enjoy having an extra set of hands. Check out sites like Sittercity or Care.com if you’ll be in an unfamiliar area.
11. Most tweens can handle sitting at a kids table. This makes the meal more fun for kids and adults if space is available.
12. Pay attention to signs that your child is becoming overtired. Children who rub their eyes, yawn, start to put their heads down on tables, or become fussy are becoming tired. If you’re in a private home, let the kids be excused from the table  If you’re in a restaurant, it’s time to start wrapping things up.
13. If your child displays unacceptable behavior, quietly stand up and take your child from the table to someplace quiet. If your child is upset, sit next to them and let them calm down. Once your child is calm, explain to her that the behavior she was engaging in was not acceptable. Discuss what she can do instead (you may not throw things, but you may color in your coloring book). Do not attempt to discipline your child at the table in front of everyone. When you return to the table have the child sit next to you (if she wasn’t before), until you know she’s gotten the message.
14. Know when it’s time to leave. Don’t keep children out too late, especially if it’s a school night or if they displayed challenging behavior during the meal. If it’s been a smooth experience, quitting while you’re ahead is never a bad idea.